Every week I try to think of a subject for this blog which is more politically aimed and then I find a subject which I need to talk about. I used to keep a diary religiously, making up for the days that I missed and giving every detail of my days. Now I am so busy that by the time I have free time at night I just want to crash. My point is, I've been using this blog as an outlet because I have been letting so many of my days go by without really taking time to reflect upon them. Today, I came home to clear my head and get some studying done, seeing how I have 3 midterms and a paper due next week... not exactly a time to party. With the jumble of thoughts in my head I decided to just say screw it and see if I could catch a movie with my older sister, Katie. I called her and she asked me for help with her essay. My automatic response was "how long is it", she said just a page and that it was a reflection on a newspaper article that she had read. Again, my first thought was "that's so easy...I could do that in 10 minutes"... then the thing that hits me every time she asks me for help hit, her aspergers.
Let me back up, Katie is 23 and has be diagnosed with aspergers for over 20 years. For years and years I had no idea what "assspBurgersss" was and thought that her diabetes and ADD were what caused the differences between she and I. It took until I was well into my teens to realize what this syndrome really was and how much it affected her. Until that point I had thought that my minor issues that sent me to counseling were as bad as they could get- no way. I have learned to deal with the differences between Katie and I. She is a beautiful woman and has found ways to cope with this issue. She joined the Church of Latter Day Saints a couple of years ago and it has significantly improved her life. She has a kind group of friends who never tease her or treat her as though she is any different than them, problems which reoccured as we grew up in the"retard" generation. As I run through my days stressing and worrying about life, Kate often looks as if she is woolgathering, just staring at an inanimate object or into space. I have to always fight to urge to yell- even though I do it a lot. I hate that I can't fix her. or help her. I have to watch. It's horrible. She often does things which embarrass me and I know that I treat her like a child even though she isn't. I am really never perturbed with her, usually more annoyed with a situation and how I can't do anything to fix it. There is so much more that I could say but this was just on my mind, considering that I spent an hour getting home planning out my next week balancing school work, Kappa Delta, and my job, while she doesn't have a job and still spends a majority of her time at home. This is just another reminder of how I need to appreciate our differences and not resent them.
woolgathering-indulgence in idle daydreaming.
perturbed- annoyed.
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