For some reason I am feeling very ominous about this last blog, like it is the end of something bigger than myself and I will miss it.  I really have no idea what this blog is going to end up saying but I'm going with it.  I wish that my blogs could have been more politically thematic but this semester took me for a wild ride that I never anticipated.     

I guess that I needed a reality check.  Law School seemed like a far reach but I did not think that my verbal rejection would be so soon.  I've never been a stellar student but I thought that if I put my heart into it and worked hard enough I could get in.  I'll never know if I really wanted to go to Law School or if I really wanted to prove something to the world.  Being told that I could not accomplish a goal was worse than a slap in the face, all of my hard work was diminished in seconds and I felt my heart drop.  I know it sounds dramatic but it is completely true.  At this point, I don't really know what I want to do.  I have said it before but this scares me a lot. I pray that a year from now I'll know where I am headed and be more focused than I am right now.  I am mad at myself for this semester but I can't take it back and all I can do is learn from it.  Thankfully I have a truly amazing professor who was able to give me the words of wisdom that I needed at the right time. More professors should follow in her footsteps and be more concerned with educating and preparing their students for reality rather than complaining about the budget cuts. 

Law may not be the profession for me.  Just like I will never be happy with my jeans size, and I'll always want to fit into the jeans that are two sizes too small for me, Law may just not fit me and I can't force it.  This should not be a determinant of my worth or success.  I am determined to believe that I can still be a success without Law School.  So many people in the law profession are wiseacre's.  They think that they are incredible just because they are attorney's and make great money.  I am not a competitive person and am not full of myself in the least bit.  

I can not keep living my life as one big kerfuffle and hopefully next year I will be in a better, more organized place.  

Wiseacre:  A person regarded as being disagreeably egotistical and self-assured.

Kerfuffle:  Disturbance, mess. 

Whoooops!

Hi. It's Thanksgiving. I was aimlessly tumbling and thought ohhh shoot it's Thursday. I didn't know if we were exempt from a blog this week (figuring not) so I thought I'd talk about Thanksgiving.  Even though I have to work throughout the weekend and have to deal with the insanity of my home this weekend, I always really look forward to Thanksgiving.  My eager attitude usually goes away relatively quickly with changing events at home but I can still appreciate the underlying themes of the weekend.  My family is rather untraditional when it comes to Thanksgiving, the meal really isn't that important even though we do it pretty well.  Thanksgiving weekend is meant to prepare for Christmas in the O'Dowd household.  My mother is OBSESSED with Christmas and every year our home is transformed, and this is no easy task. We go so over the top that we were published in a local magazine which my parents proudly show off even 10 years later. I love Christmas at home.  I have a different appreciation of it as an adult and sometimes become quite intimidate by the fact that I will have the pressure of recreating this wonderland someday if (god forbid) my mother is unable to do it.  We have 3 trees, hundreds of stuffed animals and nutcrackers, any important decoration known to man and a partridge in a pear tree.  SO MUCH! There are people close to us who love to appreciate the end result but don't really like to make it happen.  Considering that my sister doesn't have the ability to do this work on her own and my brother cares little, alot of the pressure to help and carry on the tradition falls on me.  But I love it so much that I am absolutely willing to do it.  I hope that someday my children have the warm and vivid Christmas memories that I am blessed with.  Thursday is Turkey Day, Friday is militant decorating, eating and SHOPPING (Who do you think I am to forget Black Friday?) and then the rest of the weekend is relatively normal and relaxed.  I used to think that many of my mother's OCD like cares were mantissas, I just wanted the tree to be up and enjoy it without doing the work.  I have learned that in order to truly appreciate the benefits of Christmas, I must be apart of the work.  and I like the bragging rights :).  More than ever this year I need Winter break to come.  This semester has taken everything out of me and I need to refuel before starting next semester with the force that I'd like.  I have been blessed with two amazing vacations this winter and I have an appetence for both! Mexico and the Bahamas all in one month?? I feel like I've won the lottery.  My feelings about my life and family go through a roller coaster everyday but this winter I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.

Mantissa- An addition of little importance.
Appetence- Intense desire

My mess of a brain right now

Soooo throughout the week I usually try to think about what I want to blog about. Sometimes the news inspires me, a class discussion or I just stumble upon something.  My weeks are usually pretty busy but this one seems to be one for the books. I can not complain because I have brought this all upon myself and I choose to live a crazy life.  Relatively speaking, I am ALWAYS stressed out. I always need to put my stress into perspective because none of the things on my to do list are life threatening, even though sometimes I act as if they are.

Maybe its the 16 units, maybe its being a graduating senior in my sorority, or maybe I am just a drama queen.  Everything always seems to be a rush or an emergency. In high school my parents tried to get me away from these habits an in a way they did but being in a college atmosphere seems to bring them all back.  Right now I have a seven page paper, a three pager, finishing my portfolio for 100w and a volunteering shift.  I have to fit this all in this weekend between  2 formals, a football game, and 2 shifts at work.  I guess I can sleep when I'm old?  As much as I wish that I could spend endless hours in the library being a bibliophage, I just can't concentrate enough to live that way.   Living with 50 other women really doesn't help my case, my life is full of attempts to dodge distractions but it doesn't always work.  There are several "seasons" as I like to call them which are more distracting than any other.  For instance, right now is formal season and every weekend in November is consumed with getting ready for various events.  Every year fraternities try to out do each other and have their Pledge Dance at a bigger and better location. Boats, clubs and wineries are hot spots for these dances.  I am going to two this semester and they both fall on the busiest weekend of the year. Of course.

Basically right now I live in a constant state of panic.  I am always concerned about what is due or what test is weeks away and even though I find my self studying constantly, my grades are far from what I would like them to be.  Another problem with my stress is that I constantly become irritated. I find myself seething with anger over the smallest issue and crying over nothing.  I try to live by the expression "Keep calm and Carry on" but this frequently fails me and I freak out anyway.  Hopefully my procrastination and dramatic habits ease with age.  Right now I just want to get through this weekend!

bibliophage- Bookworm
Seethe- To be in an agitated, emotional state.

Would you like room for cream with that?

The majority of my college career has been defined by three activities. Class. Kappa Delta. and work. When I was a freshman I had no idea what to do with my awkward five week Christmas break.  I decided to get a job at a coffee shop in Palo Alto where one of my friends worked to fill my January and make some extra cash. I'd love to put the name of the company that I work for in here but I live in fear of our media policy so I will refrain.  My employer doesn't use "venti" and "tall"  to describe our sizes to say the least.  I have always joked that I wanted to keep a blog about my company because I have such mixed feelings about it.

I love the people that I work for because I believe in the product- Coffee is supposed to taste the way we sell it.  There is no gimmick and it is a purely great product.  Selling it is really easy and I hold way to much pride in the amount of money that my store makes.  Because I have worked there for so long I have seem incredible transitions in the staff.  I used to talk about my "dream team" because I loved my team so much, but now I look at the staff and look at who I can deal with.  My job was once my haven, no matter how much homework I had or what ever else was on my mind, I could go to work and just focus.  Forming consistent relationships with customers was easy, we have tons of regulars and I began to remember a lot of their names and formed personal relationships.  The holidays have always been my favorite time to work, I was hired during Christmas and I love the pandemonium.  This will be my fourth Christmas there and part of my is pretty damn excited.

On the other hand, working there makes me want to pull my hair out.  My customers know nothing about me and treat me like a machine. It can be really annoying. Nearly all of my customers are rich Palo Alto residents with enough money to not have to care about anything except the aesthetics of their lives.  I HATE people who don't say please and thank you. Do you really want your kids to hear you being rude and have them grow up with no manners? I know that my parents did not raise me that way.  I also really dislike a lot of people's orders- if a latte needs more than three adjectives I get annoyed.  UGH.  I guess after 3 years I'm used to it.  My personal coffee order is just coffee with milk or tea- what's wrong with the simplicity of coffee with milk and sugar?  I used to be afraid of offending a customer or someone higher in rank than me, I still kind of do.  After this long there is nothing precarious about this job. I could be promoted if I wanted but honestly I like the simplicity of what I do and not having to commit myself more than I like.  This job feeds my addiction- rarely will I go a day without having at least two caffeinated drinks. Bad habit, I know, but it could be worse right?

Aesthetic- of or concerning the appreciation of beauty and good taste.

Precarious-  Dangerously lacking in security.

I am a women, So I MUST be absurd.

I've written about being a feminist before- I live by the motto "If he can do it, I can do it WAY better".  I usually prove myself correct.  The only time that I really just give up and ask a guy to do anything for me is when its something icky, like taking out the trash at work, (ew), or when I am too lazy.  Many women taht I know have a fire driven passion which forces them to try to do the "manly" tasks just because they want to prove that we are an equal sex.   I hate when men pay.  I don't know what it is but I really hate when men insist on paying for a dinner or whatever activity is going on.  My ex used "paying power" against me and he would bring this up in fights saying "But I paid for this and bought you this...".  Did I ask for any of that? No.  I don't want to be indebted to any man EVER.  We fell into this trap and the only way that I could find to get out was to break up with him.  In the break up he was concerned about gifts which he had given me and what I would do with them.  I love my diamond necklace and will always treasure it, but these beautiful gifts cannot possibly make up for what the relationship was lacking.  He had a capricious personality and I would give back all of the beautiful presents to have had an amicable break up.  Wow I am so off topic.  Women's rights wasn't supposed to lead to me talking about him.
      Anyway, yesterday when you gave me this congressional article to read I honestly thought that it was a joke.  I have been thinking a lot about this topic lately because of my final project but it really is true.  The strides which women have taken in the last century are phenomenal.  I have mixd feelings about the current women in the running for the presidency but when it comes down to it, A WOMAN can be our president! Less than 100 years ago women couldn't even vote! They were considered "child like" and although they had opinions which they vocalized, women weren't "intelligent" enough to have the privilege of voting.  This makes me sick. Try telling me today that I am not intelligent enough to vote and see how you end up!  Reading this made me proud to be a woman; instead of just taking men's orders and staying in the kitchen, women of the generations before mine took bold steps to gaining equal rights.  They defied to norms and broke all of the rules.  Reckless, fabulous and badass. My kind of woman.  The assiduous work that women did back then is amazing to me now, all I can hope for is that at some point in my life  I can make even a fraction of the difference in the world that women before me did.

Assiduous-  Constant in application or attention.

Capricious-  Impulsive and unpredictable.

Hardly In the Halloween Spirit

With Halloween quickly approaching I have totally lost my spirit.  I wish that Halloween had the magical effect that it had on me as a child.  Halloween used to be such an amazing night with all of the luxuries of being a child; staying up late, eating way too much candy and playing dress up. I loved trick or treating more than anything and I'll never forget the nights trading candy with my siblings and friends.  Today, Halloween is a joke.  It is an excuse for girls to look abnormally slutty and wear lingerie with no regard.  I have just lost all appreciation for this night and don't even really want to celebrate.  In my life, every weekend has a different celebration, so when a real holiday comes around, it is supposed to be extra special.  In my mind, it is the same idea as the boy who cried wolf, but with girls and partying.  All major holidays and events become devalued with alcohol.  I love to have a good time but personally, I don't think that every event attended needs to be an excuse to be belligerent. As I have precipitated into my college career I notice how more and more events are based around alcohol.  At this point, I am ready to graduate and move on with my big girl life. That is all for now =).

Precipitated- falling deeply

Devalued- losing value of something

A Female President

It's that time of the year again- I can smell it.  All of the big projects are coming and the big ball of stress which I turn into is rapidly approaching. UGH.  Whenever I am given the liberty to choose a topic of choice for a paper or project, I honestly try to picks something which I know that I will enjoy learning about and researching.  Usually these are related to some women's issue.  I love learning about women's history and will use any project as an excuse to learn more.  For 100W I have chosen to do my final portfolio on women in the military; I really don't know anything about this subject but figured that I would enjoy reading more about it.  In my opinion, one of the ultimate goals of the women's liberation which has progressed over the last century is a female president.

Sarah Palin used to be my role model; yes, you really did just read that and I did say it.  I was 17 when she and McCain took on Obama and she was everything that I admired in a candidate.  She was strong in her beliefs, willing to take a chance and never backed down from a fight.  Her words were often jumbled for the sake of a joke and her entire reputation was defamed once the public knew about her pregnant teenage daughter.  I followed her closely  throughout the election and never understood what problem the public had with her. At the time she was not only an incredible political candidate but also an amazing woman.  Just like my mother, Sarah was publicly able to do everything at once.  She was raising a family whilst running to have one of the most important political positions in the government.  Today, I have lost a lot of my respect for Sarah Palin.  After losing the campaign, McCain went into hiding while Sarah took it upon herself to become a TV star.  As an openly republican women, people often ask me what I think of Palin, expecting me to put her on a theoretical pedestal. Her TLC "reality" show made me lose all respect for her.  It was vapid and stupid, making women politicians look like a joke, something which I did not appreciate with the 2012 campaign around the corner.

In the wake of the Palin era, the next female presidential hopeful was on the minds of many.  Republican    house representative Michelle Bachmann stepped up to plate announcing her candidacy for the position of the United States President.  Bachmann was amazing to me in the beginning- hot headed but still politically correct and conservative, I was listening when she had something to say.  I knew from the beginning that I would have to do my research in order to support Bachmann.  At this point I think that she is too far right for me.  Her blatant Tea Party views contradict mine and with her tactics, she doesn't have the appeal to win the votes of mass America.  I was erroneous in thinking that Bachmann would become president.  She has dug herself a hole and it is too late to get out.

My hope is that in the next few elections there will be a female candidate who I can proudly support and not worry about the next wacky thing to come out of her mouth.

Defamed- to attack the good name or reputation of.
erroneous-  mistaken