Every week I try to think of a subject for this blog which is more politically aimed and then I find a subject which I need to talk about. I used to keep a diary religiously, making up for the days that I missed and giving every detail of my days. Now I am so busy that by the time I have free time at night I just want to crash. My point is, I've been using this blog as an outlet because I have been letting so many of my days go by without really taking time to reflect upon them. Today, I came home to clear my head and get some studying done, seeing how I have 3 midterms and a paper due next week... not exactly a time to party. With the jumble of thoughts in my head I decided to just say screw it and see if I could catch a movie with my older sister, Katie. I called her and she asked me for help with her essay. My automatic response was "how long is it", she said just a page and that it was a reflection on a newspaper article that she had read. Again, my first thought was "that's so easy...I could do that in 10 minutes"... then the thing that hits me every time she asks me for help hit, her aspergers.
Let me back up, Katie is 23 and has be diagnosed with aspergers for over 20 years. For years and years I had no idea what "assspBurgersss" was and thought that her diabetes and ADD were what caused the differences between she and I. It took until I was well into my teens to realize what this syndrome really was and how much it affected her. Until that point I had thought that my minor issues that sent me to counseling were as bad as they could get- no way. I have learned to deal with the differences between Katie and I. She is a beautiful woman and has found ways to cope with this issue. She joined the Church of Latter Day Saints a couple of years ago and it has significantly improved her life. She has a kind group of friends who never tease her or treat her as though she is any different than them, problems which reoccured as we grew up in the"retard" generation. As I run through my days stressing and worrying about life, Kate often looks as if she is woolgathering, just staring at an inanimate object or into space. I have to always fight to urge to yell- even though I do it a lot. I hate that I can't fix her. or help her. I have to watch. It's horrible. She often does things which embarrass me and I know that I treat her like a child even though she isn't. I am really never perturbed with her, usually more annoyed with a situation and how I can't do anything to fix it. There is so much more that I could say but this was just on my mind, considering that I spent an hour getting home planning out my next week balancing school work, Kappa Delta, and my job, while she doesn't have a job and still spends a majority of her time at home. This is just another reminder of how I need to appreciate our differences and not resent them.
woolgathering-indulgence in idle daydreaming.
perturbed- annoyed.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
As we go on... We remember... all the times we've had together
The title of this blog is from a little song called "Graduation"; being possibly one of the most over played and commercialized songs that I can think of. This song has become an anthem for graduation season, from middle schools& high schools to infinity and beyond. I love this song and right now it is almost enough to bring tears to my eyes. The last time that I wore a cap and gown was high school graduation. As much as I wanted to savor that moment at the time, I am so glad that I have grown beyond it. Little high school me grew into a largely corrupted college me. I thought that I was so mature at the time and now I look back and cringe thinking how ridiculous everything that I did was. I may have no regrets about my social life, but if I could restart my academic career from high school again I wouldn't say no. I have learned a million and one life lesson since May of 2008 and I look back with no regrets.
Today, I seem to be thinking about graduation a lot. College isn't nearly as clear cut as high school where I knew I would graduate in 4 years. I always figured that in college I'd graduate eventually but I never thought it would be in 4 years. It is the beginning of year 4 and I am 8 months from matriculation. SCARY. SO SCARY. OMG. 3 years of studying, revolving my life around sorority involvement and working has gotten me here. SO SCARY. I now look back with quite a few regrets simultaneously happy with where I am. When I was growing up I never imagined that post college life would be so terrifying. I just have to hope that everyone else is as terrified as I am. Who knows what's going to happen? I am not applying to graduate school for at least a year, considering that my schedule right now keeps me plenty stressed out. I don't especially want to add LSAT prep and Law school applications to my weeks. Diving into the job market right now seems almost less intimidating that law school, getting rejected from a job seems a lot less hard then law school where you are a series of numbers and at this point there isn't much that I can do to change any of them. I did not always know that I wanted to be a lawyer, in fact, I still don't. Taking into consideration how no one thinks that this petite little blonde can be a litigator, I want to do it so much more! Just had graduation on the mind today post a Constitutional Law midterm and needed to vent somewhere... more later.
Today, I seem to be thinking about graduation a lot. College isn't nearly as clear cut as high school where I knew I would graduate in 4 years. I always figured that in college I'd graduate eventually but I never thought it would be in 4 years. It is the beginning of year 4 and I am 8 months from matriculation. SCARY. SO SCARY. OMG. 3 years of studying, revolving my life around sorority involvement and working has gotten me here. SO SCARY. I now look back with quite a few regrets simultaneously happy with where I am. When I was growing up I never imagined that post college life would be so terrifying. I just have to hope that everyone else is as terrified as I am. Who knows what's going to happen? I am not applying to graduate school for at least a year, considering that my schedule right now keeps me plenty stressed out. I don't especially want to add LSAT prep and Law school applications to my weeks. Diving into the job market right now seems almost less intimidating that law school, getting rejected from a job seems a lot less hard then law school where you are a series of numbers and at this point there isn't much that I can do to change any of them. I did not always know that I wanted to be a lawyer, in fact, I still don't. Taking into consideration how no one thinks that this petite little blonde can be a litigator, I want to do it so much more! Just had graduation on the mind today post a Constitutional Law midterm and needed to vent somewhere... more later.
As we go on... We remember... all the times we've had together
The title of this blog is from a little song called "Graduation"; being possibly one of the most over played and commercialized songs that I can think of. This song has become an anthem for graduation season, from middle schools& high schools to infinity and beyond. I love this song and right now it is almost enough to bring tears to my eyes. The last time that I wore a cap and gown was high school graduation. As much as I wanted to savor that moment at the time, I am so glad that I have grown beyond it. Little high school me grew into a largely corrupted college me. I thought that I was so mature at the time and now I look back and cringe thinking how ridiculous everything that I did was. I may have no regrets about my social life, but if I could restart my academic career from high school again I wouldn't say no. I have learned a million and one life lesson since May of 2008 and I look back with no regrets.
Today, I seem to be thinking about graduation a lot. College isn't nearly as clear cut as high school where I knew I would graduate in 4 years. I always figured that in college I'd graduate eventually but I never thought it would be in 4 years. It is the beginning of year 4 and I am 8 months from matriculation. SCARY. SO SCARY. OMG. 3 years of studying, revolving my life around sorority involvement and working has gotten me here. SO SCARY. I now look back with quite a few regrets simultaneously happy with where I am. When I was growing up I never imagined that post college life would be so terrifying. I just have to hope that everyone else is as terrified as I am. Who knows what's going to happen? I am not applying to graduate school for at least a year, considering that my schedule right now keeps me plenty stressed out. I don't especially want to add LSAT prep and Law school applications to my weeks. Diving into the job market right now seems almost less intimidating that law school, getting rejected from a job seems a lot less hard then law school where you are a series of numbers and at this point there isn't much that I can do to change any of them. I did not always know that I wanted to be a lawyer, in fact, I still don't. Taking into consideration how no one thinks that this petite little blonde can be a litigator, I want to do it so much more! Just had graduation on the mind today post a Constitutional Law midterm and needed to vent somewhere... more later.
Today, I seem to be thinking about graduation a lot. College isn't nearly as clear cut as high school where I knew I would graduate in 4 years. I always figured that in college I'd graduate eventually but I never thought it would be in 4 years. It is the beginning of year 4 and I am 8 months from matriculation. SCARY. SO SCARY. OMG. 3 years of studying, revolving my life around sorority involvement and working has gotten me here. SO SCARY. I now look back with quite a few regrets simultaneously happy with where I am. When I was growing up I never imagined that post college life would be so terrifying. I just have to hope that everyone else is as terrified as I am. Who knows what's going to happen? I am not applying to graduate school for at least a year, considering that my schedule right now keeps me plenty stressed out. I don't especially want to add LSAT prep and Law school applications to my weeks. Diving into the job market right now seems almost less intimidating that law school, getting rejected from a job seems a lot less hard then law school where you are a series of numbers and at this point there isn't much that I can do to change any of them. I did not always know that I wanted to be a lawyer, in fact, I still don't. Taking into consideration how no one thinks that this petite little blonde can be a litigator, I want to do it so much more! Just had graduation on the mind today post a Constitutional Law midterm and needed to vent somewhere... more later.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
First Political Writing
Considering that this blog is for a Political Science writing course it is probably time that I stop rambling and write something about politics. Just around a 15 month corner is the next presidential election for the United States. I absolutely LOVE elections! The drama! The campaign strategies! The kissing of baby foreheads! I just love it all. I was 18 and graduating high school when Obama was elected. I immediately gained a distain for him and his glamorous election because 1) I am a republican 2) No one I knew could think of a reason to vote for him other than "he is going to bring change". The sample population that I was using to find out why people were voting for him was pathetic, 18 year old girls in a catholic school are never more politically informed beyond those few liberal politicians and candidates willing to be seen on MTV. I, on the other hand, was raised in a home where FOX was regularly on during dinner and both of my parents made a notable effort to keep my siblings and I politically informed as kids.
Thankfully, 4 years have gone by and as a Political Science student, talk of the election started months ago. 3 years into his term and I still can't get myself to like Barack Obama as our president. When he was elected I thought that he took on far more than he could handle and the "change" which he promised was slow coming. Many people often ask me if I am racist for not liking Obama and I find this question offensive every time. In a country where equality is given to all no matter what race, religion, gender or sex orientation one chooses to be, I find it offensive that people assume that I am vapid enough to not vote for someone simply because he is African American. I respect Obama for getting elected. His first campaign was strong and had some of the best marketing of a man which I have ever seen. He just isn't the kind of president that I'd like in office. Considering the blows which the Democrats just took in New York and Nevada, I think that they are starting to worry about losing their precious presidency. I think that the Democrats have thought that the office was their prerogative because of the strong campaign which Obama led 4 years ago.
I have been doing my best to fit watching the Republican debates into my schedule which isn't always easy. Thus far there is no potential republican candidate whom I feel is worthy of the seat. At first I was gung ho Michelle Bachmann but then I realized some of the things that she said were very Sarah Palin-esque and she is only making this campaign harder on herself and giving a bad name to any women potentially running for president in the future. (My thoughts on a woman president get their own blog later on). As much as I think Rick Perry will get the ticket I don't honestly know enough about him to form my own educated opinion yet. The only thing about the republicans which I am for sure about right now is that no one who is running as a Christian or has had any affiliation with the Tea Party will be elected.
Thankfully, 4 years have gone by and as a Political Science student, talk of the election started months ago. 3 years into his term and I still can't get myself to like Barack Obama as our president. When he was elected I thought that he took on far more than he could handle and the "change" which he promised was slow coming. Many people often ask me if I am racist for not liking Obama and I find this question offensive every time. In a country where equality is given to all no matter what race, religion, gender or sex orientation one chooses to be, I find it offensive that people assume that I am vapid enough to not vote for someone simply because he is African American. I respect Obama for getting elected. His first campaign was strong and had some of the best marketing of a man which I have ever seen. He just isn't the kind of president that I'd like in office. Considering the blows which the Democrats just took in New York and Nevada, I think that they are starting to worry about losing their precious presidency. I think that the Democrats have thought that the office was their prerogative because of the strong campaign which Obama led 4 years ago.
I have been doing my best to fit watching the Republican debates into my schedule which isn't always easy. Thus far there is no potential republican candidate whom I feel is worthy of the seat. At first I was gung ho Michelle Bachmann but then I realized some of the things that she said were very Sarah Palin-esque and she is only making this campaign harder on herself and giving a bad name to any women potentially running for president in the future. (My thoughts on a woman president get their own blog later on). As much as I think Rick Perry will get the ticket I don't honestly know enough about him to form my own educated opinion yet. The only thing about the republicans which I am for sure about right now is that no one who is running as a Christian or has had any affiliation with the Tea Party will be elected.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Grand Tour 2011
Never did I ever think my college years would fly by so quickly. Endless days of watching the clock in class, stressing over papers and running to office hours eventually landed me here; 9 months from graduation. Scary huh? I'm positive that this year will be over before I know it and looking back, there are a thousand and one things that I would have done differently in college but there is one stand out decision, which I will never regret; studying abroad.
When I was a "baby" (which I kindly call freshman) I was craving to study abroad. I read the literature and went to the sessions regarding travel on campus. Two years flew by and I found myself going into my junior year, some friends having already studied in foreign destinations and a handful of others making plans to do so. I jumped on the bandwagon and started planning a semester in England. I spoke endlessly of my travel plans and talked myself into being excited about spending Fall semester on the English coast. One night, after an argument with my parents ending with them being right (always) and me being stubborn (typical) I decided to look in to the renowned study abroad program offered by the University of California Davis.
I decided to go on “The Grand Tour” a journey similar to that of aristocratic youth in the 17th and 18th centuries. I was thrilled to be accepted into the program and eagerly awaited to spend all of July 2011 in England, France and Italy. I could spent hours writing about my days and adventures gallivanting around London, Paris, Mont Blanc and Rome but what I was more interested in when I arrived home was how unchanged I was.
I went on this trip with hopes of coming back a changed person. I wanted a better attitude, to get over an ugly break up and have a more clear vision of the world outside of my bubble. I learned that in order to make changes on a fundamental level, one has to want to make a change. Frankly when I was in Europe I was so energized simply by being there that I felt happier most of the time but I knew that I wasn’t changed. As much as I wanted to come home to innovative ideas and bliss, I knew that these things would come with time and growth. I learned that when I am challenged I make it or break it; I’m never really just ok. My extreme trip came with some intense realizations.
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